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balance (2): April 2013

Thursday, April 25, 2013

pink moon eclipse

i am at a crossroads.  a crossroads indeed. but somehow i feel it is a crossroads i can't predict- it isn't as easy as just running away this time.

my ears are all stuffy and i am at home,  running headquarters for my should-be-ex boyfriend because i am an idiot... and his musician friends, who are all playing a show down the block. if he wasn't a genius i wouldn't love him, sigh.  he will be the death of me.  i can't even hear him today because i am sick- but that might be a blessing on this day of him. there is always the threat of a bombing between us.

i want to run away. run towards. i want to go ride a chicken bus in some third world country with my bag of fruit stand offerings in my lap and a snotty teen texting on her bubble gum phone twirling her hair and speaking some unfathomable language in the next seat. i want to smell dust and animals.  i want to open the bus window to women holding baskets running up to sell things on the precarious sides of cliffs upon which we teeter. i want to witness blue velvet lakes snaking through painted rocks. i don't care where it is, as long as i have sun, nature, animals, nice people. life. movement.

i have a whole other life that i love. i am a whole other person.

NY is the hardest place i have ever lived, because i have lived here so long. as much life is contained in these 5 boroughs i  feel completely dead here (this time around). 

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