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balance (2): i (do) heart ny

Monday, November 12, 2012

i (do) heart ny

That means I got my heart broken by the two loves of my life in NY.

And finally, it happened on the same day (technically the second or third heartbreak from both loves). Not only did my anger culminate and turn to hatred towards the loser who was using me as his doormat and I struck back by exposing his tangled web of chronic lying (goodbye theo e, you creep), but I also received what I think was a suicide note from x. My heart stops even at the thought. I can not begin to fathom the grief I am going to be experiencing as soon as my defenses crumble and I let myself feel it. Thankfully I have a therapist appointment tonight.

I am not good with loss, if that is not obvious.

I do love NY though. Especially after disasters. Whatever bad can be said about the people here, the true NY'ers are really kind hearted. That bitch Sandy didn't do anyone any good in the past couple of weeks. I have met some really nice people who have been volunteering to help after the hurricane here, and who have been kind to me as well (one of them works for Doctors Without Borders). Nice, uncomplicated people are gold to me right now. I am seriously wounded.

At least I have my Meow to cuddle with.


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