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balance (2): life

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


san francisco hasn't changed. i have though, i learned this past weekend, in which i took an escape to have a too-short fling with the west coast. my old 'hood in SF is still most definitely the 'hood. but the desperate walking dead (crackheads) that would beat each other with baseball bats and have overdose seizures outside my window didn't seem as prevalent now. it felt mostly empty and quiet to me. san francisco will always have the musky sea smelling air of a grizzled hippie burnout though, yelling nonsense at the prancing faggots and slinking noir beauties in the shadows. sigh. such a sensual place in a way.... i hung out mostly with the tourists, by myself. i took pictures of the sea lions barking fartily on the piers, i wandered through the (golden gate) park on what was apparently family sport and crusty dancing hippie day. i ate some amazing and expensive mexican food in a nice bar with black and white mexican films on in the background. i dodged shouts of appreciation from men who liked my cute outfit (or something). i took bubble baths. i wandered through airport shops.

now i am back in NY, which i still love better. no city like it, it's amazing the drive back in, feeling awed at the city skyline, the line of crooked bridges, the dodgy industrial 'hoods. i have unceremoniously (and not too calm and collectedly in retrospect) dumped my snuggly boyfriend. the advice of everyone around me is that rather than loving me, which is what flows so smoothly off his tongue, he is taking advantage of my comfortable convenience ($) while he works on finding himself (looking for coke whores on craigslist) after being married for 9 years. well. that is unfortunate. because this is what i keep finding over and over. but even if i am just a rebound girl for him (harumph) i genuinely love him and hope that somehow we can work out whatever way in which we are best going to relate to each other long term. blech. relationships are like math class sometimes. tedious, irrelevant, frustrating nonsense. i send them the evil eye and indignant huffs.

oh well. still have my nice bong, my hilarious friends, my job that pays me a lot to do nothing. my tickets to costa rica (ok i do sort of regret the fact that i have to go alone). tickets to mexico which i will most likely share with my sister-friend 'y' since we have spent the last couple of christmases together and it is starting to be tradition.... i have the poi (fire) spinning classes i am gonna take in my 'hood so i can wow the little nerdling travelers and bar boys when i return to the thai islands. the writing class that i am gonna force myself to eventually take so i can vomit out all my pain etc. oh, and i have actually been running at the gym! bought shoes and everything. eat your heart out subway musician suckers, you know who you are... my life is great. it is truly your loss. ;)

a few stray & halfhearted pics of SF


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