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Friday, October 22, 2010

normal

i had two warm multi-colored autumn days in which t and i took a road trip to the hippie town of woodstock, to a little cabin we had stayed in before, by a waterfall... we played with doggies of passersby, sitting in the sunny town square. we grilled piles of meat on the porch and got wasted and lolled around on the bed and giggled all night like idiots (once our first evil fight had sputtered out, ack- in the car for 2 hours in the dark on the highway upstate, my fault mostly.)


woodstock, ny

but that was it for the summer, and an instantaneous fall. now winter is kicking in and i start getting morose and bitchy. my fingers won't thaw until i step off the plane into tropical costa rica next month (necesito practicar me espanol). ditto my freakishly long nose. my eyes will be perpetually bloodshot, my lips purple. i start to resemble a zombie hag! sigh, i hate winter. shivering in the wind on my way to the shelter at the waterfront, or at the doggie park walking t's wife's dog (!...sigh again!). but hey, there is that trip to costa rica after all, and not too far off, mexico. and maybe thailand in january too. periods of warm sunny decadence just the way i like it. danger and sin. lush nature and intrigue.... meanwhile i will just snuggle and coo at my warm, fat, constantly spluttering, embarassingly sweet, sometimes annoying companion. have him cook & drive. try to get him to stop binging and make more money so he can keep up with me. do nerd things with him to keep us both stimulated. fumble about each others' genitals at night (squeal, sploosh, yawn). figure out which one of his lies is the truth. & reevaluate next spring... :)

at least that is what my nabe friend and i joke about, when i can snatch a night out with him. we are defiant in our mutual agreement not to fall into the relationship trap. the tedium, passivity, repetition. lack of variety! we have sworn to make each other go out and keep breathing and doing shit. that shit usually involves drinking, flirting with my navy boy friend c who is a master manipulator and a sweetie. we all spend a lot of time joking around about nazis. telling each other secrets. coming up with business plans (i do that with a lot of people. few of them go through).

...anyway i also bought fuzzy bunny slippers, and a crackling warm fireplace insert, and a heated blanket, and some sweaters. (i almost bought a warm persian kitty too- these days you can buy anything on the internet! but i came to my senses and he was sold before i got there anyway, phew!) . as long as i keep myself warm i will be ok in the winter :(.


my fireplace

i want to hole up and write about my life too i think. the 25 years full of lives, that happened before this blog started. they really are a lot of material, i just have to feel out the right voice. how honest should i be? that is my debate with myself. the honest story is the most interesting but also the most shocking to those who judge quickly based on little (basically you readers). which do you think i should do? i suppose whatever i do has been done. but i can't think about that part. maybe i should just write aimlessly until a pattern begins to form. yes i think that is the key.......................

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