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balance (2): set up

Friday, July 30, 2010

set up

this boy i met, this man i met, this boy who wrenched my heart beating from my chest and started to devour it, and then from whom i snatched it back in possessive and unbalanced confusion. this married man writhing in pain in front of me, whispering lies right to me. such blue, wistful eyes, my twin orphan, my soundtrack to tantric sleep, my fellow rider on the ecstatic storm of shaded lights through brooklyn and manhattan backstreets, making me and my life feel big and amazing and the world seem small and far.....

yep, infatuation. and illicit at that. damn my brain for being so logical and seeing right through it, thereby slaughtering it. wisdom is the enemy of dreams i wish to live in forever.

we had an amazing couple of weeks of decadence and an eery, intense but childlike connection. the kind of whirlwind foolishness you don't trip over very often... the kind that everyone talks about. and then bam, i had to slam the lid down on it. because i am not a stupid girl.

now i feel like i can't breathe, hyperventilating, choking on my insides. it's like i dropped him down a deep hole and listened until the screams died. and i want to throw myself in after him but i know better.

luckily these things pass, and i am moving tomorrow which should be a distracting change. and i got out before it got too deep. but i can't promise not to stalk him to death, even if mostly in my sweaty teary dreams... and i can't promise that my whole weekend won't be spent in utter anguish.

until when, my beautiful echo of a muse. i will never forget you.

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