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balance (2): freedom

Monday, May 31, 2010

freedom

listening to 'psychotic girl' by the black keys. spent the afternoon today watching films, hanging half in bed and half in the sun from the window, drinking fresh juice... one was about a psychotic woman who made me question my own sanity, which is always kind of off-putting to say the least. i recognized a certain desperation in myself, a certain aggressiveness (eep!). does every person wonder if they are psycho every now and then? hmm. but in the end i know what my problems are, and that is what differentiates me from the madwomen who don't control their impulses, i hope. i am pathologically nice to people (and strays) in an effort to not be ignored. and by pathologically i mean to my own detriment. i pay too much attention to those i love, and have few in the way of boundaries. but hey i succeed sometimes... i end up with people who love me back, as long as i am around anyway. the connections i have made in life are due to my being exactly who i am. (then again, so are the enemies). ugh who knows.

this is the end of an epic weekend of memorial day worship of being in NY in summer (cheers)! boating on the pond in central park. heiling hitler in the gangsta club into which we wandered oblivious one evening, where the dj kept insisting we throw our hands in the air. walking through the scattered streets of brooklyn after midnight, telling jokes and fending off drunk passers by. thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the last few days.

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