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balance (2): elusive in ny so far (or love letter to potential companion humanites)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

elusive in ny so far (or love letter to potential companion humanites)

dear luck/dream/travel/acquaintance fairy:

please please bring me another reclusive voyeur with eccentric ideas and good music tastes. who preferably makes good hash cupcakes and who likes to just hang out and muse- in the parks, under the bridges & in the galleries. or who can teach me how to ride a bike or show me where to roller skate around in williamsburg. who is open to the concept of a road trip together in the summer. who can influence my writing or filmmaking skills or indulge the science nerd in me. who doesn't talk too much (or understands if i don't!) and can listen, or doesn't have to always be around too many others at once (because the conversations are so confusing, as is trying to figure out the approaches of people you just met who all know each other but not you, because you are a perpetual new girl who is part untrusting misanthrope ... phew! a little neurotic social anxiety i have i think too. but overall i am a chill and happy gal!!!)...

oh fairy send me a human who is possibly asexual for now, because i can't figure out which of my bi tastes i am following up on at the mo, but who is unafraid and can express their tastes in a way i cannot (they can maybe teach me that too). who is not scared of my general oddity. who has a real job and enough money to do something nice now and then and that wants to appreciate life and culture as much as they can before death (adventures are hard for me to initiate but i love them and am up for the ride). who realizes there is a future to think about and therefore planning and the nudging each other out of apathy or laziness or vices or unnecessary meanness. who likes to communicate in writing(!). who has a bit of damage and can relate. who is funny and expressive, and who likes to fuck or trip or dream or live- do! and tell! who is genuinely nice and unpretentious (who needs the drama, hipsters) and who appreciates that my sense of humor is observant rather than active, but is definitely there and loving. who doesn't mind if i analyze them to death because that is what i do reflexively. who doesn't confuse it with judging (nabe you totally understand)....send me more people who get me i guess. or who are at least willing to find things to do with me outside the weekly sodden barhops. and who will allow me to be myself and rescue them from themselves at times.

i have met several nice people in williamsburg who are entertaining, if not affectionate- or maybe young and don't understand or don't care how important making real connections are yet, and who probably don't understand that i love them one by one and am not particularly social ( quality over quantity- yeah?). but going out to meet these folks entails drinking too much and i am an idiot sometimes when drunk, who gets wiped out by hangovers the next day and thus can't do yoga (grr), and i am someone who has a problem controlling that drinking vice because it opens so many social doors- but should probably drop out. i am also a gal who feels almost inappropriately close to people i meet & like instantly, but i don't understand how to change that into something of a verbal nature with people, and a resulting history (on top of the general difficulty of weeding through of options, usually of a sexual nature). i would like to admonish you kiddies that it's important not to judge too quickly- i spank myself for that too. i just know i need more open and down to earth connections- mercilessly honest. also relaxed, introspective, philosophical, passionate- in addition to fun and hilarious and sloppy curiousity and mischief!!!

someone must fit some of these traits here- i have found shadows in a couple of people individually here who might understand, but haven't been able to extract them in flesh, from the group. they forget me immediately for more externally interesting partygoers.

(if you are reading this, fess up or give references, and feel free to send me your own list of wishes ...i admit to ridiculous and obsessive idealism- maybe even self obsession and a sense of entitlement. but i love pretty much everyone. if you think i hate you i don't.... and don't be offended if i drop back and watch at times. but don't be afraid to coaxe me out!)

oh yeah and fairy- i would like one of the new japanese instant cameras, a gramophone and scratched records (gonna hit up the old music men on the streetcorner in new orleans next weekend if i can find them and have the guts). i also want a bigger apartment in brooklyn, with large windows and walls to hang art up in, and some outdoor space i can turn into a lush sanctuary in which i can approximate nature and seduce people with tea and films and my silly impromptu paranormal research. oh, and an old ice cream truck i can restore and scare little kiddies from on my way to cuddle animals at the shelter.

...thanks fairy my friend, i owe you favors in whatever form you choose!

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