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balance (2): warmth

Monday, April 12, 2010

warmth

things have been getting better for me socially, all due to my neighborhood and my nabe, who is the king of it (in turn i try to impart my life-learned wisdom- heheh). we have been hopping around together to parties full of childish art students blowing bubbles and silly string at movies projected on the walls, with cats wearing glowstick necklaces, and better parties full of gay models with classy apartments and cheesy dance music. i am not as shy as i used to be and through nabe have made some connections with people i really like despite my perpetual cynicism. and i love it when my subconscious strong-arms my conscious self and decides to control my actions. almost as if i were schizophrenic, and another (titillatingly but temporarily dominant) personality takes over, encouraging my snivelling and injured repressed self. what the f am i talking about now you ask? let's just say that things happen that i don't foresee at all, including the random aggressive seduction of certain people, whom in this case i ended up loving amusedly but not necessarily being sexually open to (but who am i sexually open to unless they treat me like crap?).... phew! it was a good way to set off a roller coaster of neuroses, let me tell ya..... i also realised this week i am one step away from becoming an alcoholic- damn you neighborhood 'puppy bar'- you are so much fun, with your merle haggard jukebox and morrisey-dressing types! i definitely need to control myself a bit (and not enable others too), but the resulting lowered inhibitions lead to fun little emotional entanglements and puzzles.

other than all that, my new job, which came along promptly and magically, just as i expected, is probably my coolest one yet. i took a side trip to visit it, to new hampshire, a couple states a way in a quaint and neighborly area considered 'new england', which includes boston, the coastal state in which my airplane landed and from which i took a bus to and fro. i met a sweet and scraggly surfer on that bus, from maine, who showed me pictures of his (18 years older!) wife and many kids, and who poured his heart out to me with hurt eyes, (i ever the probing psychologist), about his father's sad and recent impending demise from alcoholism- eep! i said a fond goodbye to him, feeling like it was insufficient closure for one of those true but shortlived connections in life, those people you touch hearts with briefly. later i took several hot bubble baths and slept in a motel full of weary old traveller couples who congregated in the breakfast room, where i made waffles with an iron. in between channel flipping (they had adult swim!) and having restless nightmares probably transmitted from the nearby cemetery, i wandered dodging traffic around the vast streetlit parking lots of the strip malls of this friendly suburbia. i was driven around by cheery corporate types in a range rover, past rivers and forests and large houses with boats tied to them. i had a business dinner with same smart wealthy people with interesting lives and travel stories. i had a windy lunch with the man i will be working with, at a cafe next to an old millhouse, with the river running underneath it, and secretly developed a crush on him and his happy southern accent. i met all the people i will be working with in their homey scattered offices, and i came back home to NY in spring, with it's open windows, blooming trees, neighborhood conversations, and my good friend 'roark', my dog-mate, who has made an enemy (a husky) in our building and spends a lot of time practicing sounding like a killer as well as looking like one, when he isn't dancing around and trying to get me to throw his bone. things are getting better all around.

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