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balance (2): poppoppop

Monday, December 21, 2009


today in my NY cave i miss decadence. slick highways seeming to slither languidly ahead. the emerald elegance of absinthe melting sugar into a spoon, and long white fingers pressing clove cigarettes to red lips. tiptoeing out to gritty basement clubs and dancing with abandon to bruised and rageful music. i miss painting on glitter and black eyeliner and latex, and dancing pressed up against strangers, inhaling as deeply as possible and closing my eyes for more honesty, just feeling other souls without words. or holding the hand of a twin and twisting through mazes of daunting flash parties propped up by proud transsexual hookers, crippled by broken poets crooning into mikes or videotaping the heartbreak of their swaying muses. artists transforming the world in front of them so that you can almost but not quite touch. i miss beautiful boys with thick lips, hair that falls into their face, and hurt eyes who make you chase them for a kiss. girls with dark hair flipped over creamy shoulders and curvy shadows whispering secrets behind them. dangerous figures luring with convoluted and brilliant word games, or just quirks to devour from the peripheral. i miss casually tucking bills into the pockets of people who bring sensual and gastronomical delights and present them to you as if you are divine, or who service you well and satisfy the hungry orphan that was never hugged inside you. i miss swallowing drugs that spin you into the stratosphere and feel like pure fuzzy love, and tickle you with lights as you converse with the earth and caress it in gratitude. i miss journeys to places that surround you with warm exotic beauty, the wallowing in spice and mystery and passion. i miss speeding off into the unknown and wondering if i will be rejected, humiliated, lost or killed, or just have a wild story to tell. not having a backup plan otherwise except to placate my ambitious ego.... but all in all laying myself out without restraint for love and magic and beauty to find, if it is feeling kind.

years ago at the exotic erotic ball in san francisco


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