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balance (2): fate

Monday, August 10, 2009

fate

my yoga teacher is hot. he looks like will from will and grace, very clean and sculpted, and of ambiguous sexuality. just how i like 'em. in black. i can't make eye contact with him though because sometimes i am so bad at yoga and don't want people looking at me(!). still, our class was dripping sweat today and that was fun, he came to work out next to me which was strangely calming. i had a nice little space by the window. some flowers... the postcard brooklyn street life outside it. there is also a peaceful om wall under which hottie picturesque teacher man sits the rest of the time. and just the right amount of slightly stupid chanting that make me giggle with one eye open to see if they're for real....the class is hard for me who isn't comfortable standing on my head.... still i felt very good afterwards. walked home in very hot and sunny sun. played with the dog, who i am afraid will kill me someday in this house i live in. he is half great dane and half mastiff. i gave him half my dinner and he still tried to push his way in the room when i blocked him out.

but then i got jobs. and the kind of jobs i like. one for sure in the morning. one maybe in the night. slow down, think about what you want, and insist upon it until you get it, is the moral of that... i hope anyway.... then do it well. and watch the bank account max out. :) be confident that you will always get what you want.

meanwhile i love sitting at my other window.... watching all the people and devising their stories in my head (unfortunately not online, i need to write more). there are a lot of cops if that is of interest to anyone (blackmail? kidding). and latin guys walking their cute puppies. and business men with suitcases. and librarian hipsters. not the cute cool cuddly people i like. the dj agency artist boys in their 'caves' (both an appointment in my calendar and one i met and love in real life)..... sigh too many boys on my mind and not in reality. it's unfortunate. yes one in particular. he ignores me though so that balances out all you stalkers. it makes me want to stab myself in the heart like the vampire movies.

oh i do have a lot of good tv to watch. weeds, true blood, and bottom- love them all, brilliant. i make friends with some food delivery guys. dodge roommates because they want to talk about what to do in the future. dream about my future loft in which i can implant my storage trousseau. pick drunken friends off the floor (no more of that, sorry, fucking thai guys)... take horrific impromptu model pics with some really good photographer at a party who tells me my shirt is sexy and his weird scarecrow italian girlfriend who doesn't laugh at the jokes that we two make out. try to be calm and control my nightmares a bit later in my comfy bed.... waking up and remembering lots of old good music i had and trying to make playlists of old mix tapes basically.... coming along slowly. i am realizing that there are a lot of scary people on drugs in williamsburg, and resolving to stay away from them. wishing my friend 'l' was here to go clubbing with. cancelling thailand and my townhouse there by the temple. wishing the actor friend wasn't so flaky so i could trust our nice happy emails to each other when he goes back soon. wishing i lived in a place with a cat instead. named kismet.

and breathing... in this unbalanced space i live in here. NY.

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