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balance (2): the big bad apple

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

the big bad apple

last week was sooo marvelous. i checked out of my apartment with it's nice porch and cable tv and got out of boulder on the bus with barely a backwards nod at the rain and clouds hovering over the mountains. spent a couple of nights in denver- dancing in a goth/industrial/80s club with beautiful 'l' and some lovely smiley friends of hers, and drinking in the dark and loungy red vinyl booths of 'gabors' downtown with my old scooter friend 'j' and my other old tattoo gal friend 'j'.... in all cases we all got drunk and giggled over each other all night long. talked about old times. it was a magical exit, as was my hotel which sang songs at every floor of the elevator and had a racecar alarm clock. i needed the fun so badly, and now i think back fondly of colorado.

brrrrr neurosis is at full speed ahead right now in NY. but i figured out i was so stressed because for some inane reason i started smoking at the end of boulder, and i decided to stop as soon as i moved to NY (had a hell of a send-off believe me, i thought i was gonna have a seizure and die with so much nicotine in my system that night). so everywhere i went (go) on my detox spree, people were like pinpricks in my skin, i had a musical blinding headache, and the feeling that i was about to squirt or pass out prevailed.... i still crave a cigarette miserably but won't touch them. i'll do yoga instead as soon as i remember to breathe (thanks 'k').... and people get their knickers in a twist all about weed, which is beneficial! cigarettes may actually kill me!

i haven't been able to leave my dingy new house without feeling slightly scared for this first couple of days here- it's so industrial and big. there is just a lot going on. it is soooooooooooooooo in your face! i suppose i just forgot.... it is still lovely- my new 'hood which is my old 'hood (williamsburg in brooklyn) is a nice neighborhoodly place, like boulder. nice in summer anyway... you can see the city right across the river, wander amongst the big warehouse alleys. it is much more diverse and interesting than boulder. the people are a lot hotter (yay! in their hipster clothes). probably not as nice though... i don't know what to do here yet. i am still trying to get used to living with roommates for the first time in 6 years. they are nice- an older actress/fashion lady with frizzy red hair and paintings of her sloppily affectionate hero-id dog named roark. he hangs out with me a lot in my big room with my music and incense, when i am not blocking him out with a makeshift door for being smelly. the other roomie is a plump cheery goth (is that an oxymoron?) sort of girl whom i like a lot- we have chatted about boys (she's lucky, i'm not) and bikes (i tried buying from some guys who drove hours to get here with bikes in their van, but the bikes were crap so i left them standing on the street feeling stupid :(.). i am living in the perfect location- a sunny corner room overlooking the williamsburg bridge and the J train that runs over it to and from the city. also the street below, which is actually the main drag of bedford avenue. my building is pepto bismol pink. there is grafitti art all around. some shitty bodegas. a salon that i already pissed off and several counterpersons that i have already flirted with at hipster coffee and wine shops. there is a thai restaurant downstairs full of horrible americanized thai food but nice people. maybe if i make friends with them they will feed me some of their real thai food. anyway i can look out of my window and see a lot of life, which is perfect for voyeur me. and i organized my music so i have a nice soundtrack.

my window

i went on an interview today- to midtown, on the train. the guy i met with was so laid back, which is important to me. we ended up chatting more about denver and the fact that agencies make you feel like a cog in a factory than the actual job he was offering, but it is more along my lines of what i like than poor agency x was. only problem is it is like 35 people crammed into a small room and teeny tiny elevators that make me feel like panicking when i ride up them stuffed with people. why don't people understand quality of life? it is so important to me. light, airy, sunny space to work in. that's all i need. they did have some decent art. their project is really cool (it's an online makeover tool which allows you to upload your picture and manipulate your hair, makeup, accessories etc. the guy told me lots of trannies use it.) but i don't want to make it my life. i tried to explain that, we'll see what happens. there are more interviews ahead.

sigh. i am trying to calm down. luckily my boxes arrived from boulder complete with smoky treats. so off to practice breathing.


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