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balance (2): teeter totter buzz buzz buzz

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

teeter totter buzz buzz buzz

(that is my cheer for my job).

the other day i missed the bus, on purpose to avoid someone who rides it, whom i sent a secret admirer email to... and then was madly embarassed by his receipt and acknowledgement of it!!! and i accidentally missed an important social event or two at work... but hey- that's how my life works. :) i am avoiding cakes and forced conversation (shiver!) anyway because i usually end up spluttering at social events lately. it is better to hang with myself!!! (i try to get all the details via internet but am not sure it works in this chilly warehouse i work in, with people skateboarding through. you pretty much have to go around hitting people up.) i wonder if there is anyone else out there that is introverted and extroverted as me at the same time? i have a very rich inner and independent life, but am addicted to observation and analysis of others... yet i don't like their attention on me... unless it is one on one. and i can't pretend i do! or that i care about other people's projects beyond education unless i am in control of them! is that weird? :)

i have to find balance. breathe. i am trying to enjoy my life as well as improve it here in boulder. i happen to enjoy it much more alone and on my own terms. boulder is all about wandering around enjoying things to me (the cemetery under the mountain! the kayakers on the creek! the sandwich shops and buskers! impromptu jazz bands and hippie burnouts lolling....etc.) at least when the weather isn't frigid... it's about spending time making myself (body=yoga and mind) and my life better. and making money which i am trying to be better at... and helping people which i try to do. but some things i fail at. still, don't mistake me, not all things... and i am happy! i am learning here! ...just easily distracted.

so let's see what happens.... boulder vs. what? what vs. what? ... the boy on the bus wrote back, and we had a nice conversation in which i really checked him out which was fun. time is fun when you're flying. and then i realized he was just about a week or so too late for me to hang around too much with. too serious. too much poetry on facebook with a girl with a pretty waist. :) too much of the idealistic artist that always breaks my heart and would have done it speedily. oh well. :( caught that one in time before it got to me!... but i had to take the time away from work to notice all this!... i do like my job.... but but....but at x agency there are too many people to have time to be friends with and i miss my friends... and my space to do yoga and dig through art and play with dogs and go walking and browse books and talk to people and work, alone in my room with movies or music on, and occasionally people dropping by to visit to talk about something other than the client. it sort of feels like life vs. work here! i have to put a lot of time into work in a manner in which i am not as good at as my way .... and i have to decide if i can adopt the new way or not. i'm finding balance .................hrmmm dilemma this coming back to america question. for all those who wonder! for someone like me anyway.

hottie p thanks for the conversation. both tjs you too.


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