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balance (2): peace

Monday, May 18, 2009


so... what's happening. well i just had an amazing weekend, for one thing. it was warm and sunny. i finished one of my freelance-on-the-side jobs and put the other one on hold for two weeks, so i had the weekend free. i pretty much spent it doing whatever i felt like. it kicked off with a long phone call from my ex soap star "boyfriend" , who also spontaneously moved back to the states a week ago. he is in michigan. i pretty much hated him for awhile for being a shallow pretentious jerk and two-timing me with a 20 year old model... but i am happy to find we are good friends from a safe distance. i also talked to another friend who came back, to the vast pot fields of northern cali. he's a tattoed father of an adorable half-thai three year old and owns an adventure sports company. i feel like there is a mass exodus of intelligent people from thailand! (which is understandable given thailand's tendency to turn up dead tourists and to overthrow their government every few weeks)....anyway it was nice to share anecdotes and compare notes with people whose lives are parallel.

i took a bus to the only mall about 20 miles away and chuckled at all the american shops i used to go to when i was little ('hot topic' which sells spiked collars and striped knee high socks, and 'spencer's' which sells vibrator rings)... walked through greasy fast food joints outside of which gorge fat families.... met a strange tousled guy at the bus stop full of pre-practiced lines who made me laugh, but turned him down when he asked me to buy him coffee (after which i felt kinda bad). ate sushi on the patio watching families and homeless kids climb all over the benches next to shockingly large and technicolored tulips on pearl street... rode my bike all over boulder checking things out. i rode to have coffee at the best coffeeshop sunday morning, though i was rude to the counter guy without meaning to be (too shy to converse). rode down to where the buskers whistle to get your attention and try to guess where whatever zip code you throw out is from, or play didgeridoo duets. i played with all the toys in my favorite shop (considered buying a bouncy ball and a rubber chicken that squeezed out a rubber egg but i am trying to curb my impulse to spend money on whatever i want like i do in the much-cheaper asia!!! still i end up spending loads of money, not even sure it was worth coming back to the US in that respect)....

anyway, on with my journey, down to the creek, where sit lots of hippies with dirty clothes in the grass, near the library where i realized i forgot my camera so i couldn't take pictures of the statues and old men doing tai chi. or the little kids bathing with the hippies and dogs among the rocks, or the grandeur of the flatirons plastered along the front range of mountains in the not-too-distant distance. i ran my hands over the books inside the library, found one i had written in 13 years ago(!)... and got a card so i could borrow one of the new releases i decided not to buy in the bookstore earlier on. i rode through some old neighborhoods... realized i have lived in quite a few different places even within boulder! lots of addresses and memories here...people i wonder what happened to... the two jasons who would meet my sister and i when we sneaked out of the house and stole my mom's car to drive to boulder and dance at a dirty little underground club full of gothic and punk kids (sigh! 'ground zero' nostalgia). one jason gave my sister a kitten... deric, the dj, who also ran the record store on the hill, with whom i had experimental sex in just about every form, road tripped to florida, bought furniture with, and whom i watched marry my sister out from under me. (i know what happened to him, deric choked on his own lungs and died. :( )... TJ who studied magick, who kissed me with a bloody nose and who wrote eloquent and dark novels (in addition to being a pretty sad cokehead and a hopeless boy's boy)... sarah who was fat and sloppy and crazy and wore black but was always after some sort of fun... my family with whom i modeled spandex bike gear on the creek path, while my mom sucked up to her ancient triathlete double-digit'th husband, whom i would always catch screwing her in the living room (oh god no more memories!)...

anyhoo a nice ride. i saw an art show with one guy's beauteous paintings, after which i mailed a love letter to him, the only non-boring artist of the show. watched a mediocre foreign flick in the theater with a vanilla milkshake. traipsed around target looking for laptop speakers, hair conditioner, and the cute asian alterna-teen guy i have a crush on there. spent a nice couple hours at my lovely gym. back at home i critiqued x's world domination plan in email (did i tell everyone on here we finally made up after a year of not talking? again.) made up my own business plans for an art gallery/lounge/poetry slam/live mic/yoga venue which i will own in the future, and hung out reading on the balcony. spent the evening watching independent flicks from my favorite 3-floor obscure video store and drinking wine.

i am pretty lonely still (as evidenced by the whole inbox full of messages from the dating sites i joined, before i realized i would never date someone who joined a dating site), but then if someone came along and wanted to hang out i would probably resent them a little for taking up my valuable time- i know how to enjoy myself alone. i have decided i will let people chase me this time instead of the other way around... i cheated a little already though, as i invited my friend 'y' to visit me here next week on her way to work in toronto from singapore. she is very posh and will hate boulder, heh heh. too much nature and no shopping! but her presence will keep me a little saner in the social department. and she is my only globe-hopping friend who can keep up with me.

hmm i am happy :)

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