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balance (2): land of milk and honey

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

land of milk and honey

i am pretty sure i won the lottery about 6 minutes ago but i have no idea how to check til they update their website... rrrg. i want to know if i have to go into work tomorrow! been reading some cheesy self help book that an unrecognizable 'x' recommended to me- all about self actualization through visualization and modelling, etc... blah blah... we'll see if it works. the hippie fortune teller lady at the creek festival this past (rainy) weekend didn't mention a windfall, but then again she was an obvious fraud, in her blue knit hat. pshaw. she insinuated that i should stop dating alcoholics, which was way off! though she did say i should stop trying to save people who don't want to be saved because they just use you and then take off, unable to deal with reality. hrmmm.

anyway still lonely, and though mostly content, in an off mood i am starting to remember what annoys me about boulder. it's extremely homogeneous. and white- like milk. i miss the grungy boulder of the past, with the black-clad musicians and the drug-addled artists. the pretend homeless hippie kids hanging outside the coffeeshops. the occasional earthy outdoorsy nature boy who isn't doing it because it's trendy. now everyone seems to be wearing matching spandex bike outfits and dragging a pedigree... still... some of those real people (or preferred ones anyway) must still be here, hiding... i'll be damned if i don't find them! i am hitting up some old friends who hopefully haven't changed much this weekend. 'l' who used to be a burlesque dancer and 'j' who has colorful tattoos, and 't' if i can find him, who is just hot. if nothing else i will get drunk, in memory of getting drunk with my friends in asia.

i am trying to assimilate to some extent. i do yoga 3 times a week, or pilates. that doesn't counteract all the carrot cake i eat from whole foods, but i am not getting any bigger at least. have totally stayed away from american pre-packaged or fast and greasy foods (except taco bell once for old times sake). i also avoid the news, and commercials. except the local rags which i browse over my coffee at the hippie breakfast place on the hill on the weekends, and which prevents me from getting up and hitting the political dyke girl next to me whose every 3rd word is "like". but i digress. i affectionately hate this place, sort of like i affectionately hate thailand. it's not real, i am just grumpy. when i am not grumpy it is a wonderland. the mountains are gorgeous even if i can't get out in them.

oh i did get my driver's license! after 4 eventful trips to the dmv and an enjoyable drive test with a nice man who had make a solo picnic of the student vehicle. however i am not allowing myself a car of my own as i am liable to take off driving it, to see my friends in NY or cali or my brother in albuquerque. or to new orleans!...yeah. i'll wait til i get that first lottery check and it doesn't matter. or until august anyway. meanwhile i bought myself an iphone, which should keep me content. with what i don't know, but that is america.

i do admit to having watched 'the cougar'on tv, mainly out of curiosity to see if i saw any of myself in her. but i don't! she is 41 dating a 21 year old. that's sick! hehe. nah i really do like guys my own age. they're just all shacked up and boring! and young guys are easy.

otherwise i am working. an automaton in a self-imposed sentence. i am one third the way through now, and still don't know what to do with myself at the end of it. hopefully it will work itself out by magic! meanwhile i will do another flow chart for microsoft and keep track of airfares and leave messages for my siblings and friends on facebook and argue with wankers on thai message boards and drink a glass of wine in the bath every night and sniff the flowers on the way to the bus stop. in some ways not much different from thailand!

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