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balance (2): yawn

Friday, January 23, 2009

yawn

i was really going to try to do a proper update today, but after staying up all night at a club with friends so that i could catch a bus to cambodia to secure a new visa at 5am, and getting no sleep whatsoever on the 10 hour trip, i am utterly exhausted. i am not finishing the piled up work i have to do tonight either. tomorrow i am off with my friends to the south again, for another great escape from bangkok to the islands, before said friends scatter once again and leave me bored and lonely in this (quite frankly) shithole city. in this week i hope to retrieve some of my self respect- as i have had an uncontrollable and mercilessly cruel hatred of myself of late, and have not been sleeping, eating, or exercising well, in addition to drinking and smoking an inane amount. i can't remember a time before when i have felt so self destructive- the cumulative effect of all the assholes who negated my self esteem over the past year, for sure, but where my own opinion got intertwined with theirs, i don't know! anyway, new years' resolutions, albeit a bit late, are to yank myself up onto my feet again and get back some of my spirit.

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