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balance (2): patience

Friday, December 5, 2008

patience

the political crisis in thailand has winded down for now, though there is still a lot going on under the surface (most of which we can't talk about by law so that makes for barely suppressed rebelliousness and boring blog entries!) the fighting is liable to spring up again soon in an even nastier form, depending on certain circumstances, so we are all a bit edgy here in the lull of the storm.

meanwhile i watched the movie 'twilight', and though i am not in it's target demographic (idealistic teenybopper girls dreaming of vampire boyfriends) and it wasn't all that great a movie, it made me surprisingly homesick for my country. there were some gorgeous scenery shots from the pacific northwest. around this time of year i start to miss winter a little bit, of course... christmas in bangkok is dead boring, and the recorded carols repeated halfheartedly in the shopping centers and fake evergreens with spray-on snow really just don't balance out the fact that it's about 90 degrees and a buddhist country. it's not only christmas i miss though, it's american humor, pop culture, fashion, music, liberalism, a dating pool of some interest to me, and dare i say it- decriminalization of marijuana, my drug of choice for anxiety, of which i have been deprived for a long while now... :( my friend 'y' says i probably just miss it all because i can't have it for now, as i am notoriously dissatisfied and restless. she is usually right about me.

i do have to wonder though if i will ever go back there and settle again. part of me wants a quaint house in the mountains with a variety of pets, an organic garden, and a road trip-friendly vehicle handy. but chances are i would quickly grow bored. same goes with the sleek, airy loft on the riverfront in the city. 'x' and i had that once in fact- spent thousands of dollars painting and furnishing a gorgeous loft with leather couches, flat screen tvs, framed art and down filled comforters. almost as soon as we finished we looked around, said "that was fun", then sold it all and went travelling again. :) the curse of gypsy blood!

my gypsy blood is boiling now and it is all i can do not to cut and run, but i have to be disciplined for now. so i am resolving to make do with the contracts i have coming in (which are a blessing i shouldn't overlook as so many others i know are jobless), make the best of the relationships with people i do have here now (though they are not "my" people), and try to be positive a day at a time.

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