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balance (2): me

Sunday, December 14, 2008

me

it's funny the reactions i get to this blog. and it reflects in real life too, as my writing is really just an extension of me and my personality. i don't have nearly as many readers as i used to, and far fewer people comment on what i write these days (but i have stopped promoting it publicly for quite awhile too). still- i do get interesting emails. about 90% of them are from people who are effusively complimentary, to the point of embarassment. some of the letters i get border on celebrity worship, ha, which makes me feel good but is also very idealistic of them, as of course none of you know me very well at all. but as in my real life, the majority of people who read me respect and like the fact that i am so straightforward and open, even to the point of being brutally honest and tactless at times. my real friends all appreciate those aspects in me.

the other 10% is really nasty! some people just don't understand why i have to be so honest. they find it totally offensive. they think i am a simpleton or a drama queen.

luckily it has never been my goal to appeal to the masses. i really couldn't care less what people think of me as long as i am true to myself. i have gone over this subject a few times over the years in this blog. when you have a life as unstable as mine has usually been, it is important for survival to eliminate the bullshit (people, problems, material things) and get to the heart of things to progress. as far as i am concerned, standing up for what you think, feel, and believe in is the only way to live. i expect the same from the people around me. i am militant about this, and also unapologetic. people who don't like it can choose not to read, or in real life, choose not to associate with me. i feel it is their loss. i might not always be "nice", or "polite"... i might reveal things that are normally kept to oneself (though believe me there is a lot i don't reveal), but i will never in my life be justifiably accused of being double-sided or fake. and i am proud of that fact. so there. take it or leave it.

anyway, been quite busy lately. put my plane ticket to NY off for a month, giving myself january to find job opportunities before heading back, which makes more sense. awaiting a visit from my lovely friend 'y', who has decided melbourne is not the place for her and will come stay with me until she decides which place in the world is! we plan to head back to my little island village in koh phangan for the week of christmas. on the one hand, i miss it, and am happy to go re-visit my friends there and show 'y' my life there. on the other hand, i hate to go back to a place that i have already said goodbye to. i gave up a lot when i left koh phangan. it was both the most amazing and some of the most trying four years of my life. i am going to have to see the dogs i left behind (if they are even still alive!), which i know will break my heart. i am sure i will bump into a few small-minded enemies as well. but i am hoping to just be able to relax and have a little taste of the peace and happiness that kept me there for longer than i have ever stayed anywhere else in my life, and then come back to bangkok feeling refreshed for new year. we shall see.

2 Comments:

Blogger elocin said...

p.s. feel free to leave comments! :)

i see some of you on there reading regularly from places like long beach, NY; manila, philippines; belgium, vietnam, etc. i am curious as to who you are!

-e

7:37 AM  
Blogger elocin said...

hmm several people have mentioned they don't comment because blogger's comment function is messed up- oh well. :(

7:53 AM  

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