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Monday, November 17, 2008


i... can't... write! i have tried everything tonight and there is the digital equivalent of crumpled up paper all around me. i tried to write about my trip to the dentist today, always a horrid affair in thailand, probably best put behind me. i tried to write about my impending week bedridden with the bangkok lung infection that wipes me out me periodically and which i feel coming on again. i tried to write about my proud new addiction to certain happy opiods (don't worry). i tried to write about my realization that there is a recurring pattern forming in my life in which i entangle myself in dalliances with clinical psychopaths, obviously preferring the science project over the healthy harmonious relationship. i tried to write about how funny it is that some people will never "get" where i am coming from and how in the end it is their loss because i have so much to share. i tried to write about how my building shakes alarmingly like an earthquake whenever a bus roars past. i tried to write about how much i feel at home here and why i still love thailand despite my being such an obvious misfit. i tried to gather anecdotes and write about everyone from the scrawny, filthy bag lady on my doorstep who screeches scarily at me when i smile solicitously at her in passing, to the imperious big haired socialite women i run into shopping at the mall, who eye me up and down with disdain and cut in front of me in the line for a taxi, bumping into me with shopping bags and waves of perfume- to the shy bespectacled superintendant of my building who has spent most of the week hanging out on the floor of my room, pecking at my laptop and trying to elicit some response from my temperamental internet connection, and avoiding eye contact with skimpily dressed me (i am wicked sometimes i know). i tried to write about how much i miss certain people in my life, how much i want to embark on some big adventure, how much i want a pet, how i want to go roller skating, visit a drive-in, drink egg nog by a fireplace, eat oysters rockefeller in a piano lounge, ride in a ferrari, go camping with strangers, adopt an asian baby, save the world from itself.... i even tried to write about how much i tried to write and it has gotten me nowhere. i give up. back to sleep.


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