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balance (2): boing

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


my friend 'y' moved in with me for a week before her mad escape into the unknown (melbourne), where she hopes to acquire the stability that bangkok isn't known to provide to young foreign girls. it was a week of giggling over midnight bottles of wine, spontaneous karaoke and dance offs, hanging around in our underwear, shopping doggedly in sweaty markets for twin clothing items, gossiping with cigarettes on my balcony, revealing dark secrets, and making affectionate and idealistic promises of friendship forever. she also has left her family behind and for various reasons can not look back- so there is a kinship between us besides the fact that we are essentially very alike (though she is a much more extroverted, amusingly pessimistic, and surprisingly naive version of me). in the two months we have been hanging i think she became the best friend i have had in years. i will miss her horribly (and our shameless girlyness over the past week made me miss my sisters too, one of whom is begging me to come see her in egypt next month).

y's absence leaves me with a lot of free time to kill- i have written off the rest of my friends in bangkok except for 't', who intrigues me with his contradictory spats of coldness and occasional sweet solicitousness... but frustrates me overall and is probably best stayed away from for now for both our and his girlfriend's sanity. life tends to "oscillate" according to 't' and i am on the negative and lonely side of the curve for the near future (is there a time in the history of my blog in which i failed to mention the word 'lonely' in my posts? my cross to bear or what?). i am hoping to fill in the hours and days with work so i don't sit around thinking too much. i have been in a year-long standstill and the only way to get out of it at this point is to replenish my cash (if possible!). i have about six weeks to decide which risk is the most likely to pay off- keeping my freelance contracts (and freedom) in asia or finding a real job and hacking it out 9-5 for a year in NY. i have absolutely nothing and no one holding me in thailand right now. but the dire economy is holding me back from NY. maybe i will surprise myself last minute and go somewhere totally random. this is the first year of my life i think in which i did not take a trip! what is going on?!

i appreciate the fact that i have an amazing life though, as off track as it has been for the past year. and hopefully i have a lot of adventure to come to brighten up my lazy musings.


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