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balance (2): October 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008


i get so mad at myself when i read this blog these days. all i've done is ruminate about what to do with myself for the entire past year- i read back to around new year 2008 and saw that i had resolved then to choose between NY and thailand... almost a year later i still haven't done so. i mean i just bought a round trip ticket to NY, for chrissakes- i can see myself turning right back around once i land in the states and remember that only a rat can win the rat race.... i am so at home in both of these places in opposite hemispheres though- i will probably end up living half/half somehow.

in any case, at least i can get back to my country if the shit hits the fan. maybe NY will inspire some of the creativity i have lost as well, especially in my writing!

i am tempted to buy a camper van as soon as i hit the ground, and drive from NY to LA though. road trip junkie to the core! as long as i have my freelance projects i can go anywhere. i wonder how possible it would be to get an internet connection in my camper van? hrmmmm. i want to go pick up a hollywood boyfriend. someone like, hrmmm, wentworth miller would do. i did an astrological analysis on him and turns out we are as compatible as you can get where star signs are concerned. just have to convince him! (joke)

i should really be writing for a teen magazine, no? (hits self)...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

what have i done???

... i bought a ticket to return to new york jan. 1!

Friday, October 10, 2008


i am really getting scared by all the news of the economic meltdown all over the globe. having been through a couple of recessions before, i know how daunting and painful they can be, and people are going so far as to cry 'great depression v2'! and this time, i won't have a boyfriend to prop me up and vice versa when the chips are down.

i have always been very smart about taking care of myself. i have a decent amount of savings, and i still have enough work coming in from the states that i am making decent money. but if the dollar is devalued and jobs start disappearing, i can imagine either finding myself stuck in thailand with it's unstable government on the verge of kicking me out and struggling to find work teaching english (which i am likely to loathe), OR struggling in mid-winter on the streets of NYC (which has one of the highest costs of living in the world) without money to cover my living expenses... given my family history, and my propensity to choose deadbeat losers as best friends (in disguise as brilliant trailblazers though they may be), i have zero backup at this time. so it's a gamble right now either way. though i am dying to get back to NY right now, i am not sure if i should spend the money on a ticket back to the states if there is nothing guaranteed there for me. but i am really unhappy in bangkok and see no more future for me in this land of scumbags and whores (there, i said it, told ya i hate bangkok)!


it would be nice if there was a guardian angel to give me advice, is what i am saying. i know nothing about economics other than that one of my friends is preaching doom after losing half a mil on the stock market, and what i read online... and not being stateside i don't know how bad things really are....

for now i am lying low, working, and partying my ass off with my little group of misfits. oh, and i am addicted to dvd series in box sets- i have gone through 'weeds', 'lost', 'pushing daisies', and 'prison break' thus far- all of which provide a little escapism and some fodder for my fantasy life (including drawn out mental romances with josh holloway of lost and wentworth miller of prison break ;)). but i can foresee my tearing my hair out very soon, and i guess i won't be the only one, the difference is most people won't be facing these impending hurdles by themselves!!!

another weekend trip to koh samet

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