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balance (2): ahhh

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


i don't know exactly why but there has been a very dark and bitter vein to my mood lately, so i escaped for the weekend to koh samet. i hadn't been there in about 4 years, and it's only a couple of hours from bangkok. it's amazing how different i feel out of the city! i am definitely not a bangkok kind of girl- but the fact that i can easily get to nice places from here whenever i want kind of balances that out i guess. so anyway, it was really crowded when i got to the island due to the long weekend for buddhist lent, and it was full of upscale bangkok couples dressed in long sleeves and hoods to avoid the sun. i got a room on the beach- immediately greeted by kittens, dogs, and a whole crew of gorgeous japanese guys. immediately went for a massage (which was embarassing because the girl told me to change out of my dress into some loose pants she gave me, and all i had on was my bikini and loose pants... the old lady getting massaged next to me bitched in thai the entire time about how farangs really should cover up!)... had a nice banana and coconut shake reading the 3rd (and best) book in the phillip pullman series on a beach chair under a shady umbrella, pushing my toes into the white sand.

later on got cleaned up and wandered to jep's, which has nice barbecues on the beach. it was full of huge groups at tables- i was the only solo traveler there. i read my book and downed a few drinks, until i looked around drunkenly and realized i was depressed and lonely. i had just finished a complex fantasy where i looked at the people sitting at the next table and said sadly "i bet you never thought you'd be the last people i'd see", and i pulled a gun out of my bag and shot myself in the head, blood splattering all over their pad thai, when a swedish girl interrupted my reverie and invited me to come sit with her and her friends (two english teacher girls from bangkok). i agreed and after a bottle of crappy thai wine we were all pretty drunk. we stumbled around looking for something to do, and ended up at silver sands bar (which should now be re-named silver sands gay bar, we realized with chagrin) for their full moon party on the beach. i said hi to my little thai friend keng, who still remembered me from my previous visits and whom i can't believe is still working in the same place night after night, poor guy. we all drank a few buckets and danced on the beach, at one point a japanese guy came up and shoved his special banana cake in my mouth- i think i gave him my number. later on i was belligerently drunk and when a slight, campy english guy came over and tried to pick up me and the swedish girl, i berated him for not being true to himself and told him he was obviously very gay. i am surprised i got away unscathed. the english teachers disappeared early on, so 's' (the swedish girl) and i stumbled home on the beach, pausing to dip our toes in the surf and pee behind bushes. she left me halfway so i had to walk to the next beach in the pitch black, with random dark shadows whispering around me and calling out "sexy" (thai guys are just as bad as anywhere)... probably one of the scariest walks home i have ever taken in fact. but i got home feeling pretty blissed out and thanked all the gods or fate or whatever for giving me the kind of night i really needed, before passing out to sweet dreams.

the next day i finished my book on the beach chair and slept early, enough said. and then i was back to the grind of the city. at least i got to catch up on the sopranos though, which is my new favorite show.



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