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balance (2): back

Friday, January 4, 2008

back

back in koh phangan and finally recovered from nightmarish jet lag. i already dearly miss travelling- a bad day travelling is still equivalent to a good day at home. but as i spent about $10k on this trip, my money has dwindled and it will be awhile before i can set out again. i am entirely of mixed feelings being back here. i think i have just become so jaded about thailand that it poisons my days here. which means it is probably time to leave if i can't find some way towards an attitude adjustment. (rant deleted). there are some petty people here trapped in small-world problems lets just leave it at that.

anyway my house and doggies were in one piece when i returned, and my ex-thai-boyfriend is still around. i never wrote about him in this blog much, but he put me through a lot of hell last year. this year he insists he wants another chance, and has been really trying hard to make up for things, but after being in the west i know i totally deserve and can find better! for now i will take it as a marriage of convenience, but there is no future for us at all. still, it is nice to have someone to cuddle with and talk to. and i do love him in a way. he is one of the smartest people i know, he just makes stupid choices sometimes. at least he managed to get his own life while i was away.

life on the beach is slow and sleepy. it's lovely to be woken up by birds and roosters and my dog licking my hand. it's nice to sit on my porch and feel the sea breeze blowing towards the jungle behind. i like running into people on the street who seem delighted to see me. i went to a half moon party for the first time in over a year and though it is kind of annoying hanging out with people who spend all night looking for a "connection" for pills, it's such fun to dance and be silly and let loose now and then. it's great to eat thai food again. it's great to be warm!

but overall i have done this place already, and the west has implanted niggling doubts in my head that weren't there before, and i am thinking of picking up one day soon and moving... possibly to bangkok, and from there who knows. if nothing else i will have to take a trip every month to get a fix of civilization. until then i am going to hunker down and replenish my cash.

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