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balance (2): merry xmas

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

merry xmas

back in BA... i really wish i could have spent more quality time in rio, and i also really wish i hadn't spent $1000 for just 3 days there (including visa and flight). oh well. i took a decrepit cab from the airport with what i thought was a nice old driver who agreed to drive slowly, but then the car broke down in the middle of nowhere and he pretended not to have change so i ended up giving him 100 pesos instead of 65, and still having to catch a second cab. sigh. merry christmas indeed. i took a trip to the neighborhood 'jumbo' and bought a bottle of champagne and some good food to eat as consolation. i spent the night drinking the champagne in a hot almond scented bath and listening to the 'a christmas carol' audio book. BA is hot and sunny so there is not much of the christmas feeling here at all. but i haven't been in a cool country that celebrates christmas for the last 5 years, so it really doesn't make much difference to me anymore.

so this is my last day in south america! i feel a bit emotional actually. reflecting back, i hated peru, didn't much like bolivia, was comfortable in but rather bored by argentina, and loved brazil but had little time there. i still do not regret this trip - i have actually learned a lot! i speak better spanish!!! & it has made me stronger, i have learned not to worry so much about things like safety, since not only are the dangers hyped up, but if something is going to happen it's going to happen and all you can do is react to it. hey, i travelled through south america alone! i also feel a lot more independent now, though that is both a blessing and a curse. the more time i spend alone, the more comfortable i am with it, but i have also become so reclusive that i don't know what i will do if anyone interesting does cross my path anytime soon! & i certainly have inhibitions that i never realized before... but i have also got my priorities a little bit straighter in this time. i want to travel so many places in the world still, i love to be on the road! but there are other pieces i am missing, and i need to make more intimate connections with people and drop the ones who turn out to be only superficial and detrimental to me. along with this i have realized i need to shit or get off the pot in thailand, so to speak. the longer i stay there, the more i realize how small a world it is, and that surrounding myself with poor, uneducated people (including the tourists in koh phangan) and dating thai boys might not be best for my future! but then again, i am happy there most of the time, and there is nowhere else i want to live besides NY, and my dog (not to mention my bank account) would be miserable there.... who knows, i am really tempted to just miss my plane to thailand and see what happens, but then the other side of me is really excited to go back! for 5 years now this country has been tearing me into 2!!!! for now off i go to NY, with a 12 hour layover in which i may meet up with my cute mexican friend, then i fly to bangkok via alaska and taiwan, about a 30 hour trip. hopefully things will fall into place somewhere along the way. if nothing else, at least maybe i can have some fun again! i feel like i have been doing penance for something. more later....

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