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balance (2): jinx

Monday, December 11, 2006

jinx

i had twin conversations with two different people tonight on IM, and they said almost exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, which just happened to be exactly what i was feeling. it was that "it's almost like for an experience to be real, it has to be shared"... if a person lives life alone, are they really alive? is there really much point to a life alone?

real hermits seem to think so. i suppose i am not a real hermit.

but then, the pool of people to choose from to share any part of your life with is not exactly sparkling, is it?. most people you can forget as soon as they leave you, or vice versa. some people have potential, but you don't connect, especially in the land of "farang" and "so-and-so leaves in two days". but i also think probably people (like me for example) put unrealistic expectations on other people to be interesting, sexy, empathetic, smart, creative, successful and kind...almost forgetting that they are real people. our meticulously built defenses quickly triptrap them before they can even begin to be good enough for us. it's kind of hard to be together as two separate, non judgemental entities. it's hard to trust someone to really like you too.

all i know is that this is (usually) the least lonely place i have ever been, except for the fact that i am alone. but if i am looking to spend my life with someone (other than my doggie) this is probably not the right place.

1 Comments:

Blogger elocin x said...

oh, the reason i got into this mood in the first place is because i watched the movie 'hitch'- hehe. recommend it though!

10:18 AM  

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