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balance (2): December 2005

Saturday, December 31, 2005

new year thank gawd

...and on the last day of the year (and of december), my best friend whom i visit daily ('c', german hippie writer) had been missing for 2 days already, leaving me rather frantic until she finally messaged me to say goodbye, she had left this crazy bad island. and (at first i thought very coincidentally) 'o' was missing also.... except for a blurry 10 minutes in the very early morning when he came to my house drunk and i tried to beat him up in a xanax haze on the porch and he left again... along with all of the money i had just withdrawn from the ATM to cover monthly expenses? or did i hallucinate going to the ATM?

oh, and it rained again, no electricity. i got drunk at a bar alone and watched fireworks on the beach with my doggie and went to bed by 1am to the sound of at least 4 bars raging.

but now it's 2006 so take that!

Friday, December 30, 2005


december was to put it quite honestly a horrible month. first, it was the 4th month in a row of the worst monsoon storms i have ever seen. most of the time there was no electricity, everything was wet and smelly and cold. my water supply was also sporadic. the jungle roads were a sucicidal adventure. the boats simply stopped running. 'o' and i were trapped together when we really wanted to be apart... had to balance several friends' bad moods, learn to adjust to living in a small village where you can not escape prying eyes and sudden drop-ins (let alone the karaoke bar next door which allows drunken patrons to visit at a shockingly loud 6am). did a bit of dodging of what i am learning in thailand is inescapable mafia with no qualms about shooting if they don't get their way. which led to a really big problem with being in the expat stage where you hate every little thing about the locals and think they are hopelessly stupid (still not quite over that). my boss was moody and avoided me online and in nonpayment for work that was really hard (still owed in fact), until i told him i had to cancel our relationship due to lack of communication (and forfeit future income). my dogs got bigger and more inclined to chew everything in sight including various dead animals which they regularly left eviscerated and decomposing on my floor. had a serious case of writer's block!!!

monsoon destruction (this was the bungalow i lived in last year)

it was the 4th christmas i have spent in asia in a row, which means christmas is just an occasional strain of music in the background on cable tv, or a silvery sign hanging on a coconut tree. i got nuthin'. spent most of the day curled up into a ball trying to will away a sudden case of bad allergies.

a bit of brooklyn in koh phangan

and it isn't over yet! one more day til new year, i am holding my breath until it gets here. and then my sister comes, and then i turn 30, and then i change my life.

Friday, December 16, 2005


american culture at it's finest

Saturday, December 3, 2005


sorry i have been so neglectful of my blog- not much to tell though because it is STILL RAINING torrentially and i am trapped in my house with my two insane dogs and my ex boyfriend. next monsoon season i am not going to be here. but hopefully only one more week and it will be lovely again.

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