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balance (2): werk

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

werk

today was the first official day of work (work permit in progress so not really working so much as checking it out)- hauling my laptop on the khlong boat across town in a scraggly hippie bag which i didn't have the foresight to replace with something more professional that fit my (widescreen) computer. as usual, where i am ecstatic to get a job, i am much less so actually going to work. it's especially difficult when i haven't worked full-time in an office (with a short exception in colorado) for over 3 years. i hate it- i get distracted by the other people, the annoying politics, i freeze to death in the artificial air conditioned air, worry about every little aspect of my demeanor and appearance, fixate on the clock. if only they knew how much more productive i am at home! which led me to think, what the hell am i doing? i left america partly because i was so tired of the corporate mentality (despite my not really being immersed in it for so long), and here i will be working full time in one of the more corporate offices i have seen in thailand, and not contributing much of anything to the world like i had hoped to do here. sigh. if i am going to work full time in an office, shouldn't it be in america where i make ten times the money, so at least i can go home to good cable tv or to a snazzy gym or drinking at a nice club? so i can at least be contented by the rising balance of my bank account promising future freedom? shouldn't i have my own office or the freedom to telecommute as usual? ... it's hard to say really, we'll see how long i last here. i really like the people more than i like most american co-workers. i mean at least they are thai and german, so they have something of interest to bring to the table. and i love my work, surprisingly, when i can figure out what it is that i am doing (hard to get any sort of clue from a thai client).

i told an interviewer from the disney corporation to fuck herself when she called up from hollywood yesterday and exemplified everything i really hate about uptight pretentious american middle managers, so i am not on the right track to going home just yet anyway. :)

in the past week or so i threw 'o' out on his ass with all his stuff and turned off my phone for a couple of days, because i was tired of his uselessness and apathy. he came crawling back when he realized he had no other option (even his family won't help him), and of course i couldn't say no despite all my convictions otherwise...because...? guess i care about him. ugh. what a co-dependent relationship farangs end up having with thais (i am willing to bet i am not the only one with this problem). i can see it from his point of view- why go work in a hot sun or dark factory for $100/month when i make ten times that and will be paying the rent whether he stays or goes? it's sad. he has tried pretty hard since to find work, but there isn't much work for someone without a degree (he has a technical diploma), and the work there is is doled out by some of the most discriminatory bastards on the face of this earth (ie. they blatantly demand 25-year old girls for the positions, which 'o' is obviously not)- minimum wage is currently about 150 baht per day, or $75/month, and that might be the best he can hope for. if you have a degree, you might get $200 a month. lucky farangs can make much more simply by demanding it. he would rather hang out in air conditioning, watching cable, and making love with me. i suppose i can't blame him. i am starting to feel like this country needs a grand reorganization/re-education and i am just the one to give it to them- a dangerous frame of mind.

i am desperately in need of my medication, aka mary jane. i don't care what anyone thinks about that- i need it to balance my anxiety and without it i go quietly mad... sometimes not so quietly, and among the hopeless stupidities rampant in this country is the predominant one of their opinion on marijuana smoking. i need to move to a place where it has been legalized for medical use, and live amongst rational, peaceful people. meanwhile i have been reading up on gross detox programs for the liver, kidneys, and colon, in hopes that if i clean out the filth in my body somehow the inexplicable anxiety will go as well.

7 Comments:

Blogger ;-) said...

I really love the way you just throw everything out there and are completly honest about your life. I feel the same way about Mary Jane, you should come to Canada, we're on our way to decriminalizing and medicinal use ;-)

9:51 AM  
Blogger LA_FadeAway said...

I'd say come to California where it's also legal for medicinal purposes, but it doesn't sound like you'd be too happy here long term. Maybe Northern Cal, except it's expensive as hell.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Weidenkeks said...

i wouldn't say come here but in the northern part of germany they won't press charges if they catch you with less than 30 grams of the 'substance' as you can declare it as being for your personal use. police will only take it away from you, which is a bit of a hang-up. supply and quality is good though and no one has ever been given the eye for rolling and smoking a j in a bar in hamburg...

7:06 AM  
Blogger KL said...

It took a while to find some decent stuff in Bangkok, but I am now smoking sensimilla, although it is pressed into bricks like Mexy shwag, it still beats the daylights out of the garbage that one usually finds in Krung Thep.

1:16 AM  
Blogger elocin x said...

what are ya trying to rub it in that you've got some, hank? :)

2:14 AM  
Blogger MaryJaneRottencrotch said...

Sorry about accidentally spamming the blog the other day, i think i might have had too much to drink at the time.

Ever thought about visiting England (probable home of at least some of your ancestors)?

Dope's legal here too.

12:54 PM  
Blogger isobella said...

i really like this post. truly putting it out there. and no, you are not the only one who feels this way...relationships with thai men are impossible. same story, different man. mine is currently reclining on a couh in air conditioning watching thai game shows, waiting for me to get home so we can go out to eat, come home, chill out, and he can do it all again tomorrow. "i'll look for a job tomrorow. i promise." sure you will sweetie. sure you will

iso

3:27 AM  

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