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balance (2): "see you when you see me"

Sunday, May 8, 2005

"see you when you see me"

for some reason this week all of my now much-hippified-after-7-months-or-more-on-an-island friends are all drifting into bangkok and onto planes home to make money. i feel guilty and stupid that i am not among them, but also a bit relieved (after all, i don't have a rich family to go back to). 'f' from ko chang, a lovely little 22-yr. old blonde girl, gave me all the gossip from the last year and a half since i have been gone. every single girl i knew there with a thai boyfriend has gotten pregnant and been dumped immediately after having the kid- what a bunch of idiots! (both the abysmally irresponsible thai boys and the dismally idealistic farang girls.) she and i are the only survivors, and we gazed at each other in touchy-feely adoration all night... i love her like a sister, though not without a bit of guilty attraction as well. she is headed to cornwall, where she will live in her newly purchased camper and sell various knicknacks from thailand on the beach... silly 'w' and goofy 'c' from ko phangan have to my great disbelief become a disgustingly perfect couple- despite the fact that he already has two wives and two children, and they put me off so much that i couldn't stoping gaping long enough to have a normal conversation with them. you just never know people as well as you think you do- never in my life would i have paired them. she's headed off to germany where she drives a cab and writes book and neglects the shaving and deodorizing of her armpits. 'w' is going back to ko phangan, where he is reforming his life- no longer selling weed, playing r&b, or feeling trapped in his marriage, apparently!... 's', from NYC, is staying here, but in order to keep her job as a personal assistant to the royal family (not an enviable position as she is always being scrutinized) popped by to beg me to forge a degree for her so that she could continue to get paid and not have to go back to the evil US... and since i feel the same i could only oblige (and a damn fine job i did of it too!)...'k', my very hopelessly drug-ified hippie friend ('god' all my real friends really are hippies!) with a great big heart, is reluctantly going home to reconnect with his little girl and see if he can make money to come back and live long term in some legitimate form. we got really wasted at DDM and danced all night long last night as his farewell.

sigh. there are far more people that i love in this country than there ever were in the US.


happy hippies

and then there's 'o'. we have come full circle the past week from hating each other and tearing each other's hair out to lounging companionably over lavish meals that we can't afford to frantically making love between bored readings of the newspaper or staring like zombies at the horrible productions that pass for movies on our one english movie channel. i am learning some things.... i have read a lot about thai/farang relationships lately and the different ways in which each views them. thais think that taking care of someone is the number one way to express love, and rather than feel used by someone who is leeching off of you, you would feel proud that you helped them and they would remain devoted to you for doing so. thais are not so romantic, at least not in the same way as farangs are. they don't expect much from each other beyond monetary and sexual compensation. it's americans who have been brought up to have a sense of individuality, to work hard for themselves, and to hope for someone who meets a rigid standard of qualifications we carry around in our heads (mostly idealistic). this understanding does not prevent me from feeling like 'o' is a hopeless loser at times, but it does help me to empathize a little more as to where he is coming from anyway. since i gave him a deadline of may 15 to do...something... he has been wracking his brains and being really quite snappy and distracted with me overall, because he is so hung up on trying to find something to do amongst all the jobs he can't have at his age (and skin tone) and all the businesses he can't start with no money. i have realized we both feel better if i just give him a break, help him out but not excessively, and just quietly prod him now and then into action. things are starting to get better.


'o' before


'o' after- what have i done? :)

1 Comments:

Blogger Sangroncito said...

I love the before and after pictures of Ot! What a hoot!

11:47 PM  

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