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balance (2): help!

Monday, February 28, 2005

help!

why hello again signpost, didn't i see you last time around this circle, the one i am going round and round in? what's that you say? out of my mind, am i? sigh... i fear it's true. this trying to eek a living out of a country that is trying to eek a living out of me is sort of foolish... but somehow i can't quite give it up yet. i started an intensive TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) class today, so i can have a certificate to fall back on. which means i can make about $700 a month here- yippee! enough to pay my rent, work way too many hours, slurp noodles every night, and maybe have a beer once a week. but hey! i am where i want to be- right? nevermind that my skillset and thus my real career will fall by the wayside, and there will be a huge gap in my resume. nevermind that i am way too shy to teach classes (today i learned it entails a lot of theatrics), or that i can only take so much of children (not to mention thais) before i start to feel murderous, or that the islands and jungles i love dearly are nowhere within reach.... i am an expat now right? rrrrg.

when i am chugging down the canals in the morning in my klong boat, being assailed by the tropical heat, the smell of fried pork, the laughter of children hanging from vines on the bank beside me, the 'luk thung' music floating on the breeze ... i feel at home. but when i consider my standard of living, my hopes for the future, my having to come home at night to a tiresome man who is blatantly using me and refuses to leave... the inescapable fact that i am a farang and a farang i will stay... well it's just hard is all. i can either give it a try and see if i surprise myself, or i can get while the getting is good (i have been looking up tickets to san francisco lately).

i have picked up more projects- editing documents for businesses for about 1200 baht per. writing for a travel website (haven't started yet due to an unwillingness to distract from my own). still selling stuff on eBay though they have cancelled most of my auctions due to copyright infringement (oops). and yes, i can teach, and yes, it might be fulfilling for a time. but i can also go back, get a job within a couple of months as an information architect, and have in 5 months the same money i might make in 5 years here. and be legal.

fark.

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