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balance (2): hrmmm

Sunday, January 23, 2005


it’s funny how when you have nothing to complain about you can manage to dredge up some little thing for your own self-pitying entertainment. i am the happiest i have been in years but i still managed to be utterly bored at intervals, because, let’s face it, happiness can be really boring. i suppose i need a bit of drama to thrive... i am attracted to new situations, good and bad. all this pleasantness is rather stifling. :)

ot at the herbal sauna

not that i am not completely satisfied, because i am....but i do feel like it is time to move on. away from ot, whom i can’t manage to love no matter how i try, and thus spend most of my time trying to change him into someone else. away from the oasis bar, which i love and have nurtured for the past couple of months, but which i have realized is a futile cause, as i will not be able to have any real stake in it. away from the sometimes drug-induced daze that strips me of my ability to move forward. away from lovely bubbly hippie people who have nothing to hide and nothing to show.

who knows what that means. i might wake up one morning and disappear. i don’t know where exactly i would go- bangkok sounds unrealistic, america sounds like a nightmare. but disappearing sounds deliciously seductive.


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