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balance (2): hitched

Tuesday, December 7, 2004


away from the sublime unreality of xxxx beach, i worry about o and i. we don't generally get along in bangkok. but as it turns out, something has changed with us. we are no longer sex mad for each other, but have instead spent our time getting to know each other much better. our relationship is no longer based on the transaction, though it is true i do support him. we have evolved into something calm, with no expectations- friends with mutual respect. i do respect him more now that i understand certain cultural differences. i can appreciate the fact that he has concrete plans for the future and i am happy that in some aspect they include me. i am constantly surprised by his insight and generosity. we have a great time and i have been unusually happy with him the past couple of weeks.

x says i should meet more thai guys, find someone better for me. what he really means is i should fuck different people. i have surprised even myself by the realization that i don't want that. i have found a connection that for once is good- we make each other happy, we give so much to each other, we build each other up. we live life to the fullest together.... i don't want to be married, i am not selling my soul, but it's nice to be able to spend time with someone who really cares, and if i can manipulate the future to include more of it, i will be quite satisfied.


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