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balance (2): bzzzz

Monday, November 1, 2004


bangkok is like one of those glue traps used to catch rats in NY- it seems innocuous enough but once here it is easy to fall into the laziness, the craziness.... i need to leave and i know that, but i am stuck. sometimes the hardest part about travelling is deciding where to go next. but this time i do not have so much money anyway, and my options are thus limited. i have decided to just relax, since going back to NY is sure to be hell this time (with x kicking me out and having to find a new job & all). i plan to enjoy myself without putting on the pressure to keep moving. easier said than done.

today was a bad day overall, a horrible start to november. i awoke really late in the afternoon, which always makes me annoyed with myself. i groggily made my way to the shower and turned it on. then the phone rang and i ran to get it.... instantly slipping on the very slippery tiles and falling backwards with nothing to stop me. i hit my head harder than i have ever hit it in my life. not to mention my spine, which i fear must be horribly out of whack. i couldn’t see for at least ten minutes, and laid there for an hour, unmoving, my phone squawking helplessly out of reach.
when i was finally clearheaded enough to get up, i noticed that my head had swollen to the size of another whole head. my back was screaming. i was unable to move my jaw much at all. thus i spent the entire day alone, in horrible pain, and scared half to death of brain swelling.

later on i tried to venture out without meeting ot. he had called me several times late last evening, drunk, blubbering, and unable to find his way home. i ran into felicity (kiwi) from last night and we went to have a drink. i like her but i have serious problems being interested in well-adjusted people, not being one myself. we bored each other a bit. ot showed up, to my annoyance, with a british friend. they chatted. i rolled my eyes. around midnight i excused myself with felicity, ot blustering unhappily. she and i had a chat on the street with mr. kool, in his short cutoffs, who attempted to coerce us into his room so we could have amazing orgasms at his hand (ugh). we escaped to gullivers, where we met a very nice australian guy who kept us in drinks, and a gorgeous boy from turkey who likes me a lot but can’t speak the english to say so. we danced to horrible music, dodging bar girls. afterwards we sat on khao san, watching the freak show that is afterhours, and the police who were trying to disperse it. another pointless night of drunkenness. i went home feeling like a car crash. ot called in the wee hours to say fuck off.


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