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Monday, November 15, 2004


........i am now by the way on ko phan gan- xxxx beach to be exact, which is a sort of paradise. it is like ko chang 5 years ago- especially in rainy season (which we tripped into unawares). we (that would be ot and i) are kilometers (over hellish and unbelievable roads) from civilization. we are two of just a handful of people here. we have had trouble finding food and there is little in the way of entertainment. we balked at this at first, but as at the beginning of this trip i am realizing that a bit of quiet and solitude in nature really can be lovely. we own this beach. we have a little bungalow right on the sand, our hammock tied from the porch to an adjacent palm tree. i have become dog girl as usual and all of them have adopted us and congregated on my porch for the evening. ot (playing the part of a well paid friend) is sleeping next to me, but not touching. we both have a mutual understanding that we won’t bother with the facade of being boyfriend and girlfriend, which has taken a huge load of pressure off and allowed us to both relax and be quite nice to each other. we have explored the entire island hanging sideways off of breakneck cliffs on our motorbike. we swim in the beautiful sea and rub our toes into the white sand as large bats hover over our heads and strains of thai music float in and out of our ears. we have made several thai friends on the island (ot can make friends with anyone), and tonight we cooked a big seafood dinner with the family that watches over our land. the father was a fisherman for 40 years. he had tales of huge ships, horrifying storms. he was adrift at sea for 2 days once after his ship sank, clutching a buoy until a group of indonesian policemen found him and threw him in jail for being in illegal waters. in fact he has been in jail in several countries for the same reason but he insists the money was worth it. he preferred the jail in india as it had good food, lots of thai people, and little contact with indians. burma on the other hand basically starved and tortured him. his fat wife he affectionately calls “hippo”. his kids raced motorbikes in the driveway that were twice the size that they were.

good to be around good people. good to breathe fresh air, see the stars, have space to think. good to be reading murakami, who in many ways has saved my life. good feeling less poisoned and more alive.

no idea how long we’ll stay but i have loads of time.


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