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balance (2): a bit...erm...trapped

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

a bit...erm...trapped

woke up with glands the size of watermelons and a general need for some sort of anesthesia. feeling like crap, can’t move much, grumpy. ot calls, cheerful, and asks me to lunch, and i agree weakly. we eat crispy fish and islamic food near thammasat university, an old haunt. he doesn’t talk much, seems annoyed. i explain to him that i feel nothing for him as a boyfriend anymore, and it’s true. he is sad but agrees to be friends. we grab a tuk tuk- he off to work and me to my air conditioned room, to lay in all day. felicity calls- she has planned for us to go to ko samet for the five days she has left before she leaves for india. hating ko samet and not feeling up to travelling, i flake, feeling guilty. she is not friendly, and hangs up promptly. i sigh. thinking about where to go- english teaching: out. i don’t want to work unless it’s for a really good cause. bali: possibly. india/nepal: i would actually love to take otto but i fear i don’t have the time or money. north thailand: done it, and my would be thai killers are there. malaysia: nah. burma: can’t find an interesting reason to contribute to their government. china/tibet: again, time and money (as well as reluctance to go alone). which leaves..... the beach. again. hmmm. if only one of those interesting circumstances that seem to happen to other people would come my way. ie. jenai with her benefactor friend who opened a shop for her on ko samui, no strings attached. or even felicity, who fell into a glamourous job sailing around australia and asia. i would do just about anything fun or enriching or charitable at this point, but i suppose i am not good at finding such opportunities. meanwhile i will just enjoy being free.

pet bunny at bar



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