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balance (2): androgeny

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

androgeny

x is a peculiar place to work. it doesn't necessarily have any rules i have to follow, except getting things turned in on time, which i have no problem doing. i ride the bus to midtown now due to my roommate/co-worker/best pal's paranoia about terrorists in the subway. i spend most of my time there slouching in my desk, checking my email and following very specific instructions for "designs" that are invisible. i leave early and come home to laze in my soft zebra striped blanket under the midday sun.

my old friend t informs me that he is now well on his way to becoming a professional gambler. he spends his weekends in atlantic city. i cringe at his optimism but accept when he invites me to share a portion of his $5000 winnings over a nice schmancy dinner. i surveyed the changes in him over my two glasses of wine. didn't take long. it felt weird being the recipient of a free dinner and drinks, when i have recently always been the giver. he has a life thoroughly unrelated to my own, but i find it interesting sometimes to listen to. he is truly a friend, which mildly surprises me.

i chased down m after he left work and met him in the park in union square. he feels like a high school crush, so awkward and pretty. i can't keep my hands off him after two glasses of wine. i sculpt waves in his hair, kiss his ears, and pluck sadistically at the little hairs on his lower back. we proceeded to go drinking, which is always inevitable if i am the one choosing these days. i took him to rififi- a dark hipster-y red bar with good music. while he was in the bathroom i met a guy in a trenchcoat who had just returned from britain. he had just offered to buy me a shot when marco wandered back. suddenly trenchcoat guy was obligated to buy shots all around.... the people were not overly friendly otherwise (sigh, NY) but the shots were deliciously nasty- jagermeister dropped into ale. i swooned the rest of the evening long.

m followed me home, like a stray puppydog. i invited him in and we immediately fell to ravaging each other. it was great fun until that (black) magical point in which my brain turns completely off.....pheremones? neurosis? hasn't happened with anyone in awhile. i sighed and told him we should be friends, regretting it deeply, as unfortunately it is turning into an icky pattern. he became cold and left quickly. i sighed some more.

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